Something to Complain About
In my efforts to avoid unnecessary arguments with the people in my life, I have decided to no longer engage them in their negativity or indulge them or encourage them in their constant nitpicking, complaining and whining. There always seems to be those few people that find a problem with every situation or who can’t help but point out the fault in something, no matter what it is. This drives me crazy, thus this is a complaint about those who constantly complain.
I used to debate these people, try to get them see things in a different light, I have even gone along with them hoping that my lack of resistance would prove boring to them and they would see how silly we really sounded crying over nothing together. But alas, misery loves company so none of my ploys seemed to work.
So now I am keeping my opinions to myself while I bristle in silence and save my feelings for my special place, my blog. No amount of breath expended is going to change a complainer’s ways. They have to see it for themselves. And besides, why should any of us waste our breath on them anyway, we may need those breaths one day.
So having said all that, I commence to complain about the complainers and hating on the haters.
The other day, like many other people, I am watching the Michael Jackson memorial service. I decide it would be cool to watch it with my friends on Facebook since most of us have known each other since childhood, during the time when all of our musical sensibilities were being molded and shaped by the King of Pop before he earned the title. We were all logged on posting our updates and generally watching respectfully together, when the complainers started. It was ridiculous.
First one friend posted:
“I know i am going to get flack for this but wtf 4 million we as tax payer in Los Angeles to pay for a service, for this cat that got money his family got cash too. and i cant get in the service without a wrist band.My mom ment a whole lot more to me them him and i would not let yall pay for her so he can moonwalk his self over and kiss my black never mind.”
Okay, even if you agree with these sentiments, couldn’t it have waited until after the ceremony. The funny part about this statement, when I chose to ignore his update, and posted my own update, which was the beginning lyrics to “Man in the Mirror” this friend then commented on my page and asked me if I read his update. Apparently he was very proud of his negative comments.
I replied, “i read it…not feelin it…but its your page…and you’re entitled to feel that way…we’re all different, you know.”
To which he replied, “yes but why do we have to pay for this most (SIC) folks would not had wanted it it they knew we had to payfor. (SIC) the shut off a freeway so over 300 of his friends and family can go to a private service we paid for that. thats what i am talking about.”
So not only was he complaining but he was dragging me into his madness and I didn’t want to be there. So I told him that he could be as mad as he wanted to be, but to let me watch the memorial.
He said, “Ok!”
I believe he was rather reluctant.
Then, when the service actually started, another friend complained that things seemed disorganized.
So I guess the fact that this whole thing was planned in a few days and that thousands of people were descending upon downtown Los Angeles en masse, were really just factors to deal with and any ordinary person…like herself…could just pull the whole thing off without a hitch. NOT!!!!
She then went on to say how there should have been a huge processional with a horse and carriage like they had for The Notorious B.I.G and Aaliyah.
Wow, one person complaining that we are spending too much money and now another one saying it is not enough.
She went on and on and on…so I blocked her.
In fact, I blocked at least five people.
And then, as if that wasn’t enough. Another friend who didn’t get the opportunity to watch along with everyone else caught up with the rest of us by watching it later. Hours later, after we had all cried and laughed and were generally spent. And she had the nerve to post this:
“Okay is it just me or did Michael’s daughter seem like she was acting…sorry”
Seriously! Have we really become that cynical?
Several people responded to her both in agreement and disagreement. I noticed that a few who agreed are pretty cynical and complain a lot as well. I guess what they say is true, “birds of a feather….” you know the rest. But there were just as many who tried to appeal to her and get her to see it differently. I did not respond either way.
The way I see it, the people who feel these things and say these things are definitely entitled to their opinions. And we all have seen things in life that don’t necessarily jive with our spirits or seem authentic. But with these particular people, and many others, I have noticed a definite pattern, and I don’t have any desire to be part of the repeat.
I am all for keeping it real, but my mother always pointed out two valuable lessons to me. There is a time and place for everything and if you don’t have anything nice to say, say nothing at all. Of course have modified the last one because I believe people should be able to express themselves, but it is still all in the way you say it. Anything can be said in a way that doesn’t hurt people are tear things down. But most people are not skilled in that subtle art. Perhaps it is something that can be taught when children are young. It would certainly alleviate a lot of conflict.
In any case, when you think about it, what purpose does it serve to broadcast negativity and always focus on the bad? I don’t know about you, but I don’t need those kind of people in my life. I want to be a giver to the world, not a taker. When you focus on the negative, you ultimately receive negativity in return.
Today in History
Today, July 8th, in 1889, The Wall Street Journal began publication.
In 1950, General Douglas MacArthur was named commander-in-chief of the United Nations forces in Korea.
In 1958, The Recording Industry Association of America (RIAA) awarded the first official gold album. It was for the Oklahoma soundtrack.
In 1907 Florenz Ziegfeld staged his first “Follies” on the roof of the New York Theater in New York City.
And today, in 2009, I made it to level 40 of Sorority Life on Facebook.
If that is the highlight of my life, man am I in trouble.
R.I.P Michael Jackson
If we choose not to remember greatness because of alleged shortcomings, then no one will ever be worthy of remembrance. RIP Michael Jackson!!
Hypothetically Speaking #2
Hypothetically speaking, your man ( I am talking to the women in this instance) has the nerve to tell you that he is thinking about or has been cheating, and you don’t do the typical female thing and freak out. Instead, you say calmly, “Oh really, how is that working out for you?”
What do you think would happen?
What do you think would happen if you said, “Oh that’s nice honey, why don’t you tell me all about it.”
Or even more out there, “Ooh next time, can I watch?”
How do you think that will go over…hypothetically…of course?
I know it’s counterintuitive and goes against everything we have been taught morally and otherwise, but when you think about it, it is the most unexpected response. And typically, the unexpected yields the unexpected.
Cheating is less often about love, lack of something in your relationship, or even sex and more about getting away with something that is considered taboo.
When we freak out, cry, scream and lose our minds or even give off the possibility that we might do so, we fuel the whole secretive, taboo nature of the act and we actually ensure that the person re-cheats. Not an issue if you plan on leaving, but can cause problems later on down the road, if you plan on staying in the relationship.
So hypothetically, what if you just brought it all out into the open? Just lay it all out on the line? All of a sudden, it is not a secret. There is no thrill and chances are, the guy will get bored with the whole thing, realize it is not as much fun if it is not “taboo” and go find some other equally dumb, yet relatively harmless thing to do, like hiding purchases in the trunk and sneaking them in the house when no one is looking….or something like that.
Of course, if you do choose to adopt the I’m-an-empowered-woman-I-don’t -give-a-damn-what-you-do-with-other-women-and-I- am-staying-because-I-just-don’t-feel-like-looking-for-another-man-just-yet attitude, you probably have to get over the whole broken heart thing, and the whole “he cheated and destroyed my fairytale” mentality. And you should insist that he wears condoms if you plan on continuing to have sex with him, especially because what you signed up for was a monogamous relationship and that would not be what you would be getting. Yeah, this is not for the faint of heart.
Or you could just leave…but what would be the fun in that?
I don’t know, I kind of like the idea of giving him enough rope to hang himself, watching him writhe in confusion, and generally having total control of myself and the entire situation.
That’s all hypothetically speaking…of course.
For the Birds
For the last two weeks, I have been tormented by birds. It started out with a gathering of birds outside of my bedroom window serenading me with a strange barrage of tweets. Not necessarily a bad thing at anytime other than 3 AM. I managed to be awake several nights in a row because of this and the lack of sleep caused me to declare an instant disdain for the little winged creatures. A disdain that lead me to declare on my Facebook update that I hate birds. Well apparently birds don’t like being hated or called out on Facebook. So yesterday they awarded me with my very own bird-doo trophy. Apparently, this flock of seagulls, bevy of quail, or whatever type of aviary escapees these happened to be, must have eaten a large animal before pelting my car, and me inside of my car with a massive amount of bird shit. Suffice it to say that I won’t be posting, “I officially hate birds,” on my Facebook update again, but you best believe. I am thinking it.
If He Cheats, That’s His Problem
I have said it before, and I will say it again. All men cheat. They may not be currently cheating on their mate, but they have cheated on someone at some point in time. Why are we so surprised when someone comes forward and admits that they have been having an affair? The question should not be if a man is going to cheat on you, but when? And what are you going to do about it? And men are not alone in this, more and more, there are women in relationships who cheat too. But in my opinion, most, if not all men cheat on somebody.
So when are women going to stop allowing this to be the be all end all of our lives? When are we going to start realizing that it will probably happen to us in our lifetime and decide here and now that we are not going to beat ourselves up about something that has absolutely nothing to do with us and what we are not doing, and everything to do with the man and who he is?
Ladies, stop treating a man’s inability to be faithful as a knock against something you aren’t doing right. If a man cheats, that is his problem. If you choose to stay with him, then help him work out his problem. If you choose to leave him. Then do so and don’t look back. But don’t spend your life waiting on a man that is never gonna cheat on you, because chances are, that is a miracle that will never ever happen.
Las Vegas, Always an Experience
When I was a little girl living in L.A., we went to Vegas at least once a year, sometimes more. It was usually a few hot days hanging out around a hotel pool watching the adults take turns coming in and out from gambling to keep an eye on us. The highlight of the trip would always be the Circus Circus Flying Balloon act which had obvious sexual undertones and which I could probably perform myself after the first three consecutive trips to see it. Not very appealing and yet, for whatever reason, I always looked forward to that trip year after year.
Fortunately, I am glad to say that along with almost everything else in the world, Las Vegas has changed for the better and has actually become a place where people of all ages can have a good time. Now don’t get it twisted, there is still a lot that one must shield young eyes from. But overall, it has turned into a pretty interesting place.
On a recent trip, I had the opportunity to see Las Vegas in whole new light. I had driven through several times while they were blowing up the old hotels we remember from Dan Tanna’s Vegas and replacing them with the Mega-Resorts we have come to associate with CSI, but usually I was just passing through long enough to catch some sleep and a hot meal before proceeding on the next leg of one trip or another.
Maybe I am a little late in my realization, but Vegas has turned into a pretty cool place. My attitude turned from, “Oh my gosh, what am I going to do in Vegas for 5 days” to “Wow, I can’t wait to go back and explore that place some more!”
While I was in Vegas I went to an Art Show, an Andy Warhol and Friends Retrospective at the Bellagio. After the Art Show, I wandered around the hotel.
I loved the architecture, especially the atrium area, which was undergoing some sort of construction for an upcoming event.
The lobby ceiling covered with Dale Chihuly blown glass was impressive and there was plenty of interesting artwork scattered throughout.
The highlight was venturing outside to see the massive expanse of water where the now infamous Bellagio Water Show is displayed and the Vegas Eiffel Tower and Arc de Triomphe sitting conspicously across the street. I honestly thought that these would be cheesy, but they were all actually pretty impressive.
I also took the time to visit some of the upscale stores in the Bellagio. Saw a really expensive Dior purse that was to-die-for. I wandered around Tiffany looking at all of the sparkly things and the staff in the Chanel store were all very nice and eager to help. I popped into Hermes just to see what all of the hype was about and ended up being followed around for the full 5 minutes I spent there. This was particularly funny to me because the store was literally the size of my foyer and living room and everything was under glass. I am not sure what it was that the attendant thought I could possibly steal. When I do make an extravagant purchase, it won’t be from them.
The nightlife is obviously a highlight in Vegas. I didn’t go to any clubs, but I did happen to peek in the very sexy club Pure in side of Caeser’s Palace,which has a Pussycat Doll Lounge inside and stripper poles outside of the club that the dancers come out and dance on from time to time. Another club inside of Caeser’s is club Poetry. We passed by this club on our way to eat at the Cheesecake Factory. There was a line for this club, but it went down pretty fast, and from outside the club, the music was thumpin. There was an enclosed catwalk that we had to pass under on the way to the exit, and we could see the people inside the club. It looked as if they were having a really good time. Poetry and Pure are both definitely on our list of clubs whenever we go back and maybe I’ll even attempt to take a swing around one of those stripper poles. *WINK*
My favorite part of the trip was the Miracle Mile Shops attached to the Planet Hollywood Casino and Hotel (what can I say, I like to shop). This is an indoor mall made to feel like an outdoor shopping experience, featuring ceilings painted like a sky and an indoor thunderstorm attraction. This thunderstorm feature may seem a little gimmicky, but is actually refreshing when considering how hot and dry it gets in Vegas. The mall has high end and middle of the road stores and restaurants. There is a Sephora (one of my favs), a Guess store where I opted for a cute white bag which cost a whole lot less than that Dior one that I was salivating over. There is also a Fat Tuesday’s, if you want to have a drink while you shop, and Aromi D’italia, a really good place to get Gelato.
Places that I didn’t get to visit, but wanted to, The Venetian and the Titanic Artifact Exhibition in the Luxor. Both of these attractions will definitely be on my agenda for my next visit. I would venture to say that no matter what you do while you are in Vegas, if you plan just right, you will have a good time. There is so much to see and do, I can’t imagine anyone being bored, unless they just want to be. Las Vegas is always an experience.
Before the invention of Bella Unplugged, there was a little known blog called Confessions of a Bootylicious Diva Muse. It was my former blog built around women accepting themselves and feeling empowered to be the best they could be. Although the blog is long gone, I still am very much in favor of embracing a big booty, womanly curves and positive body acceptance.
I used to have a problem with showing my body, even when I was much thinner. No tight or form fitting clothes, definitely no bikinis or overly revealing bathing suits. Why? What would be the reason for such paranoid body shyness? We are constantly being bombarded with images of extremely thin models and actresses as the standard of beauty often to the point where most young women feel beyond bad about themselves for being anything above a size 0. If that is not enough, being shorter, or older than 12, or having less than perfect skin can also be a reason to send an otherwise beautiful woman running for cover behind a muu-muu, tons of makeup and big sunglasses.
Well, no more! Today and from now on, I am celebrating my curves, big ole round cellulite-free butt (yes, it is a known fact that thinner women suffer from cellulite just as much if not more than those of us with a little extra junk in the trunk), and the fact that in less than two years I will be forty and still fine. I am celebrating being a real woman and I encourage other women to do the same. It doesn’t matter if people think I’m fat or if there are some that don’t find my brand of beauty appealing. I honestly believe that for just as many who don’t, there are several more that do. And some who eventually will.
How do we expect the world to see curves as something beautiful if we hide our gifts under a bushel and never put them out there for the world to see? If we want the world to see us as beautiful, perhaps we should begin to see ourselves that way first.
Have a great day,
Bella
Eavesdropping at Starbucks and Other Stuff #3
This installment of Eavesdropping is not so much about things that I have heard, but more things that I have seen. A couple of weeks ago I saw these Korean ladies hanging out with each other talking and laughing and having a good time. I found this interesting because I lived in Korea for two years and I loved to see the young Korean girls and women come together to hang out and have a good time. Friendship and socializing are very big in Korea and Korean people take the time to bond with each other over dessert or coffee or dinner in groups.
Seeing the ladies made me feel very nostalgic, especially the ones who were in heels. In Korea, the younger women wear heels everywhere, even to the park and on hikes up Namsan (South Mountain). My husband once asked one of the Korean Soldiers that he worked with about the women wearing heels everywhere. He said that they believed the high heels made them look pretty. I have to agree.
I also find that people really feel at home at Starbucks. There was this couple who really took the whole Starbuck’s living room feel seriously.
They started off studying at two tables with five chairs .
They moved over to one comfy chair. I guess they got tired.
I’m sure most are thinking what I thought, “Get a room!“
Bonus!
Something really stupid that I just heard while writing this. A lady in her late 40s is sitting here working on a Garage Band project with a younger lady who is around 20ish. The over 40 year old lady has an opinion about everything. So far the dumbest thing that she has said since she has been sitting here:
“I don’t get Rap, its just talking, where is the talent in that?”
And then she asked the younger girl how she learned all of her computer skills.
Wow, can you say out of touch…much?
I would take a pic, but that would just be rude.
Bella’s Beauty Tip #1 Lavender and Tea Tree Oil
I have always been, interested in beauty, beauty products, beauty tips, beauty secrets, etc. I can attribute this to two things, severe acne as a teen and having a mother who came of age during a time when studios groomed movies stars to be glamorous and beautiful and elegance was expected. She carried herself this way, and raised me this way as well.
As I approach 40, I find myself looking for more natural beauty products and a simpler routine. I’m not worried about aging in the traditional sense, but I do feel that once you pass 30, maintaining good looks should not be complicated.
My latest natural beauty discovery is Lavender and Tea Tree Oil. I use the Desert Essence Organic brand and I love it. I use it for everything. It is an all around, soother, disinfectant, relaxing treatment in a bottle.
I use it as a spot treatment for breakouts. It dries them up quickly, and I have noticed less scarring. For prevention of blemishes, I mix it with a carrier oil or moisturizer. Lately I have been mixing it with a couple of drops of Philosophy’s When Hope is Not Enough Firming Serum because I like the texture and how soft it makes my skin feel when I use it. It has managed to keep my skin calm even during that hormonal time of the month. It can also be diluted with water and used as a personal wash to keep yeast in check and some even use it on the scalp to combat dandruff.
There are two precautions, the smell is definitely an acquired taste. It is very earthy and woodsy in my opinion. It doesn’t bother me, but for some it can be a bit overwhelming. And as with most essential oils, when applying it directly to skin, especially if you have sensitive skin, it is a good idea to dilute it with water or a carrier oil as it has been known to sting.
And as with many natural remedies, what works for some may not work for others. Please use caution when trying it out. Keep out of eyes and mouth. If you can get past the scent and the sting. It could definitely be a staple in your beauty arsenal.
Bella Unplugged 